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How to Avoid Fighting Over Money

By , Posted on Jul 18, 2013
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General Budgeting Debt. Saving Money Savings credit card credit cards debthelper.com credit card debt

One of the top reasons for divorce these days is money issues.  You and your spouse will be able to work your way through the inevitable money issues by following the advice below:

— Don’t play the “Blame Game”:  After the initial denial, when times are financially tough we often look for someone to blame.  It just so happens that your spouse is an easy target. The problem is that blaming someone will never work. …even if it is true.  Imagine saying to your spouse “You are irresponsible with our money and are always buying stuff for your hobbies.”  What kind of response would you expect in response?  “Yes dear, you are right.  I am irresponsible with our money, thank you for bringing that to my attention” Yeah right, that will happen.  There is no way that taking an approach such as that will do anything but make things worse.

So we know blame will lead to more problems, the only real solution is to take responsibility for the money issues that pop up.  Even though there is no doubt that your spouse plays a role in the money problems, it does take both of you to get to where you are.

Take the time to figure out how you have contributed to the problem and then have a talk with your spouse and discuss the ways you added to the mess. Hitchedmag.com suggests asking yourself the question, “How might I have contributed to our current financial worries?” Then tell your spouse your answer(s). You’ll be amazed at how such vulnerability helps to trigger the same in your partner, as well as lay the groundwork for future problem solving.

— Don’t be blind:  There is no good to be had by ignoring that there is a problem.  In order to prevent you marriage from following the downward trend similar to the economy, you’re your eyes and see what is happening within your finances.  Do you make purchases and avoid telling your spouse about them?  Is there debt that you are keeping from each other?  If you are, you are not in the minority.  Many couples, especially in these troubling financial times are keeping money secrets from their spouses.  Often with good intentions, a common reason for withholding the truth about money problems spur from one spouse trying to protect the other from worry.

The problem with keeping financial bad news, or any secrets for that matter, is that there usually comes a time when things come to a head, and a big “blow-out” fight ensues.” More great advice from Hitchedmag.com: “If done right, talking about money can bring a couple closer together. I suggest partners broach the subject by saying something like this: “Honey, I’d like to talk to you about some money issues. In the past, I’ve avoided talking about such things, but that just leaves us with unresolved tensions. Instead, I’d like for us to take a clear look at where we are financially, and discuss how we might get to where we want to be.””

— Have a plan: Forget about who is to blame or which one of you are guilty in making things difficult financially, instead sit down and work out solutions to the problems you discovered.  If you can’t agree on a solution, try one partner’s idea for a month or so and then give the other idea a chance.  Then compare the two and see which one worked the best.  Perhaps set a “no approval” spending limit.  Set an amount that you can spend on purchases without having to check with your partner.  If you set too strict of restrictions, it will just build animosity between the two of you.  Imagine how it would be if you received a call from your spouse asking you if was alright if they stopped and bought a cup of coffee or paid for a co-worker’s lunch.

It can be tough living in this economy the last thing you need is trouble in your marriage.  Work as a team and confront your own economic troubles.  If you stick with your partner and approach any money issues that arises together, you marriage and love for each other will bet stronger.

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